Alright. This is the first time I’ll be writing a review sober. And no, this has nothing to do with a new years resolution. Why do you need it to be a certain date to decide to improve your life? You’re pathetic. Yes, I’m talking to you, you fat bitch. Well done, you’re going to stop eating cakes because it’s January. Look down at your belly and realise you should have stopped eating cakes years ago. Put your hand on your chin, feel that. Give it a wobble. Disgusting. You know you’re going to be shoving a chocolate cake down your gullet come February. You’re a weak, pathetic, awful human being.
Anyway, did you have a nice Christmas? Me and my wife couldn’t really be arsed this year. She only got me a Gary Barlow bed sheet. I think it was meant as a joke but it’s actually pretty good. In many ways it reminds me of your mum. It’s really easy to spread across a bed and after a couple of days in my house it’s absolutely caked in semen. The word “caked” has nothing to do with cake by the way. Stop thinking about cake now, fatty.
The jellyfish lads asked me to write a couple of paragraphs to say “Welcome back after the Christmas break”. I’d say that should do it.
Let’s actually start this review. The Petty Thieves are a “Seven piece sleazy Reggae/Ska/Funk band from the dirty suburbs of Medway”, according to their Facebook. A seven piece? I really hope these boys make it big and play Wembley one day, they’ll make at least 40 quid each. “Better Things” is the bands first release and is recorded with Dan Lucas at Anchor Baby Recording Company. It’s going to be released on Feb 4th at their EP release show at Poco Loco, Chatham. They have 100 digipack copies and it will be available on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon, Google play, etc. Let’s have a ganders.
Instantly a thought enters my mind when the first song, “Fly Away To Freedom“, starts: this is a proper bit of reggae. Followed by a second thought: why did i stop smoking cannabis 4 days ago? The vocals enter and it is apparent the vocalist is white. This just can’t be. I check their Facebook to confirm and yes, they are indeed white. Not only that, one of them appears to be ginger. How is it possible for a ginger to have so much groove and soul? Staying true to their description the boys take us on a Reggae/Ska/Funk voyage with this one. There’s saxophones all over this bitch.
Track 2, “Take Your Time (Don’t Rush)“, has me thinking one thing: ‘Take Your Time’ and ‘Don’t Rush’ are very similar concepts. I don’t think they needed to clarify the original statement with ‘Don’t Rush’. This schoolboy error, coupled with the reggae vibes of the release, has led me to believe The Petty Thief lads are completely mashed up on weed.
“Same situations” starts a bit more chilled. If you sparked up a banger when the EP started this is the point you are really chonging. It’s perfectly timed. Touché, lads. It’s more reggae/ska that would have Mr. Marley nodding his head. Bob or Ziggy. The vocals have been strong throughout and there’s no change here. It’s sorta ‘Rage Against the Machine’ but chilled. More ‘Slightly miffed Against the Machine’. In a good way.
The Petty Thieves have a pretty strong EP here. It’s a well produced, reggae, weed bonanza. I googled ‘bonanza’ to see if that word actually makes sense in this context. Apparently, one meaning is “a large amount of something desirable.” Sure, that works. I’m surprised they only have around 400 likes on Facebook. But, while writing this review they have gained 1 like. You deserve it, boys. I know what you’re thinking: This Ken Crumpton guy (that’s me) is giving very little information on the music itself and mainly rambles on about nothing. Yep. Fuck off and get over it. And buy the EP when it’s released. It’s very good.